Lighthouse Keeper

Another night,

one of many,

I feel the emptiness

the very same as the light keeper

standing alone, silent

atop his tower aglow

knowing he’ll be alone again under the starless sky

with the knowledge that he must stay,

to guide the ships which pass by.

It’s not so much the missing of a single person,

but of the unspent time

the longing of being desired

an ache to fill the heavens painted black

with stars, love, and laughter.

Someone must have created the constellations.

If the desire I lack were to find me

I’m confident I could fill the starless night

with Venus and Orion’s belt in a similar fashion.

But alas,

the night is black and starless

and I am, again, alone.

Perhaps the emptiness is not the ebony sky,

but the carcass of the person I used to be.

Reminding myself of the constellations I have yet to see.

In A Man

Blue eyes,

trimmed with long thick lashes.

Muscular,

no room for imperfections.

Blond hair,

cut just the way I like it.

All noted

None Important

His smile,

shows you he’s always thrilled to see you,

be with you.

A glow,

proving he’s sweet and caring,

not just acting.

Heart,

loudly screaming,

always showing,

just how much he loves you.

All noted

All important

That’s what I need in a man.

My Happiest Memories are Better Left Unremembered

Where were you last night when I jumped out of a sound sleep? Something was haunting me and I’m not sure that it was just a dream. I felt around for you, with my breathing still short and the cold sweat still clinging onto me. You weren’t there. I’d forgotten you haven’t been there for some time now.

I then got out of bed and made myself some tea and went to sit down in front of the television, but for some reason I never turned it on. I simply sat there holding my warm tea listening to the sounds of the night but not hearing anything. My mind was spinning, twisting, turning, reeling around old memories of you, of us. Memories that frighten me more than comfort me, a past that was happier than anything I can foresee in the future. That scared me, the idea that I’ve already had the happiest days of my life. I don’t like to remember those days.

With my tea gone I placed the cup in the sink and walk back to my bed. It was time to try again to sleep, perhaps this time I would fully sleep. I hoped for no dreams, like I do even night. I made a nest out of my many pillows; they’re so close that there is barely room for me in between them. This is a habit I have attached myself to in the past years, subconsciously done from the fact that I don’t like to be alone. I pulled my home made quilt up to just below my face and closed my eyes. It was time to rest even though I knew that I’d be haunted the very moment I drifted off to sleep by the lovely dreams of yesterday, and a shadow that is tomorrow.